Bit of a blue day. All I can think of is leaving and just how much I don’t want to leave. I just can’t see myself living in the NL right now. I don’t want to be there and I don’t want to leave here. So why go? Cause I have to as I have no money left and am not making any money. Am not allowed to work here but I seriously need a paying job. It’s odd to find that my decisions are now based on finances. I think it’s a first, for whatever that means and it can’t be right:-)
Thing is, I know exactly what I want and it ain’t leaving except for a trip home for Christmas. Seeing my friends would be great, riding a bicycle everywhere you go would be the best simple pleasure I can think of, safety, infrastructure… it all sounds great. But what about the rest? What about my friends here, what about the work that I put in to get here, what about all those people I haven’t met, the stories I haven’t lived, the countries I haven’t visited?
It kind of feels like I am only getting started properly. The project was an awesome thing to do and a fab way of getting to know people but now comes the real challenge; pushing it out there further than an exhibition. How to make your mark? How to determine when your mark is made? When is it done? I don’t know. I only know it’s not here yet. It feels like there is more coming even if I am a little bit afraid that a friend is right and that Cape Town is very good at dangling a big carrot in front of you, making you believe there is more while you’ll never quite get there.
But wouldn’t it be so much fun trying?
Posted in I wish, rambling, Swimming Upstream, worry
Tagged blue, don't want to, gutter twins, leave, listening to cat power, ouch, sven stories underground, worry
I’m doing a photo shoot with a very cool graphic designer tomorrow. He’s also a DJ and I’m quite sure you’ve heard of him. Without wanting to give too much away, his company designs for Rocking the Daisies, Cooked in Africa Films, African Relish and Balkanology to name but a few. Am really looking forward to the shoot as I’m a big fan of his designs. I worked at a graphic design company called Taluut in Utrecht for 7 years before I came out to South Africa and occasionally I miss working at a design company. I think it will be great to talk to him about design and see what he is up to.
My only problem is, I don’t know where to go. I have been trying to come up with all sorts of locations which, if you put them together, tell a cool story of Cape Town as an underlying uhm… thing… theme.
The other thing is that I am kinda stressing about getting enough money together for the exhibition. Perhaps it’s not such a bad thing that it’s been pushed forward a little.