Sunday Ramblings – Seven Stories Underground

Bit of a blue day. All I can think of is leaving and just how much I don’t want to leave. I just can’t see myself living in the NL right now. I don’t want to be there and I don’t want to leave here. So why go? Cause I have to as I have no money left and am not making any money. Am not allowed to work here but I seriously need a paying job. It’s odd to find that my decisions are now based on finances. I think it’s a first, for whatever that means and it can’t be right:-)
Thing is, I know exactly what I want and it ain’t leaving except for a trip home for Christmas. Seeing my friends would be great, riding a bicycle everywhere you go would be the best simple pleasure I can think of, safety, infrastructure… it all sounds great. But what about the rest? What about my friends here, what about the work that I put in to get here, what about all those people I haven’t met, the stories I haven’t lived, the countries I haven’t visited?
It kind of feels like I am only getting started properly. The project was an awesome thing to do and a fab way of getting to know people but now comes the real challenge; pushing it out there further than an exhibition. How to make your mark? How to determine when your mark is made? When is it done? I don’t know. I only know it’s not here yet. It feels like there is more coming even if I am a little bit afraid that a friend is right and that Cape Town is very good at dangling a big carrot in front of you, making you believe there is more while you’ll never quite get there.
But wouldn’t it be so much fun trying?

4 responses to “Sunday Ramblings – Seven Stories Underground

  1. Ga voor die banaan en blijf in jezelf geloven. Dan kom je d’r wel. Je bent goed, maar nu moeten ‘die anderen’ het nog even ontdekken. Terug naar NL is vast tijdelijk, even je batterij opladen voor de volgende stap die ongetwijfeld gaat komen.

  2. the fun is always in the trying, and who eats carrots anyway? now if it was a bottle of beer being dangled, i would worry, but as its not, i have no doubt you will ‘get there’. and why dont think of going home, think of going on a little holiday to visit family and friends. home is here now and you will come back, even if we have to hunt you down and drag you by the hair screaming.

    • Wise words, miss groupiemom:-) And please hunt me down and drag me back!
      If you happen to know someone witha private jet, please send them as that would take care at least 1,000 euros:-) x

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