messy ramblings and the death of all the romance

 Fuck – I can say that right? seeing how this is my blog? – well fuck:) My mind’s a mess. A distracted, unfocused, bordering on happy, mess. Everything I do, read or see makes me want to do something else. There is one overwhelming desire and in order to make that happen my mind is open to every thought, from every angle. If I can’t think of it myself, ideas handed to me by friends are just as interesting and appealing. Right now every thought, every conversation, every email makes want to check out something else. Desire, need, possibility.

I submitted my work to Foto Festival Naarden yesterday. I ended up choosing three images that I think are basically stand alone images yet work as a series as well, with the right explanation to go with it. The images are of Hendrik Vermeulen, Tshepo Moche and Tristan Waterkeyn. The theme of these photos is a sub theme of Swimming Upstream (I just made that up but it works) being “pressure to succeed”, be it professional, social or psychological pressure.

Tshepo. I should edit more images from the shoot we did. Same for Hendrik. Haven’t done a shoot in ages. I should set some up. Oh right, I still have to reply to that one email. And write those publishers, one in England, two in the NL. It reminds of that sailing trip. Should edit those as well.

Back to FFN. The other 3 images I had chosen were a different one of Hendrik Vermeulen, Monishia Schoeman and Donovan Copley. They looked quite good together and more cohesive in a way, but on the other hand I felt the images were more about their profession, location and inspiration than the more emotional charge the first three had. Plus, and that was the decisive argument for me, they were so obviously not taken in the NL and I didn’t want to be thrown out of the competition on first viewing. The theme of ‘Portraits’ was heavily influenced by the Dutch masters such as Vermeer, Rembrandt etc and I am not entirely sure how Dutch everything should be. The first three were taken in SA and my subjects are all (South) African yet there is something Dutch about the use of light. Dutch Light. Remember the documentary ‘Hollands Licht’ by Maarten en Pieter-Rim de Kroon?… hey, that could be the subject of my research paper “Dutch Light overseas”.

Wait. Research paper? Weren’t we talking about FFN? Yes, we were. And this is why I said fuck in the beginning…

A few friends sent through links to useful websites (thanks Katinka, Mathijs, Lieve and Femke. Please keep them coming:)) and I check each and everyone, excitedly. I flick through them fast, finding it hard to focus and distracted as always by the sub story, odd detail or story and how to make it work for me.

One of the links was for SIP (Sphilman Institute of Photography) who are putting out general calls for submission to research proposals for photography projects. Crap sentence… Point is, there are $5,000 and $10,000 grants to be won. All you have to do is write a research paper on anything “photography”. I could totally write about Dutch Light in contemporary photography. Or Dutch Light found abroad. Is it a cultural thing or a skill that we take with us as we travel ? Or is it a geographical thing? Then why is there a hint of Dutch Light in my portraits taken in SA?

South Africa. Swimming Upstream. I should re-write all the interviews into a more general and coherent article in order to make it more interesting for magazines here in the NL. Magazines. I should get back in touch with Andy from Mahala. It would be a waste to let a possibility die like that. Possibilities. I have to follow up on the phone conversations I had with photo agencies Infidels and Shine. (Done while blogging) Oh and I should check the Shapeshifters site again. Sites. Right. I should register on Randstad (Dutch temp agency) and find a job. And update my LinkedIn profile. Look for those groups people tell me about.

Images from my project flash across my mind’s eye in the mean time. Locations, atmosphere. Now that reminds me of the Bouw in Beeld prijs. This year’s theme is “Playground”. Can’t I find a way to fit the Donovan Copley, Monishia Schoeman, Hendrik Vermeulen pictures into their rules? And the Lauren Fowler one? Lauren Fowler. W.I.C. Word of Art. Berlin. Wasn’t there a call for artists on the transartists site in Berlin? I type in www.transartists.nl and flick through their site quickly. Wait… what? Cape Town.

As I read the words Cape Town my heart jumps to another beat straight away. I am seriously missing my Cape Town life & friends. I’m pretty much thinking non stop of all the cool people in CT I still want to photograph or chat to, stuff I want to do see and do there. I see myself doing it all. But it brings me right back to reality here as I need money to get me to CT. Money. Work. Ah. Remember to write to so and so. Send out quote. Keep logging hours. Make appointments. Register on Randstad. But what about re-writing your interviews? Anything to get me back where I want to be. Be where I want to be.

I am not a mess. I should just focus. Joy was right, lists are the way to. Put pen to paper and just work your way down that lists. Ah. Lists. Ass kicking last year. Joy. Capri. Makes me think of all sorts of things:) See my problem? How could I possibly fit in a 9-5 job? 🙂

I hate all the music they’re playing on Kink today… Fergie and Slash? *cringe*, makes my teeth fall out. Saybia? Yawn. Not my favorite video but a beautiful song by The Dears from a couple of years ago and awesome title… worth stealing:)

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4 responses to “messy ramblings and the death of all the romance

  1. Lists! LISTS!!! It’s the only way to go!

    🙂

  2. and your cool cape town friends miss you, but this post sounds more upbeat than previous ones. get going with the lists…

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